Transcript[]
Act 1[]
(The episode opens in a town presented in black and white as a male voice [General Araneus] narrates.)
General Araneus: It was a day like any other day.
(Cut to a backyard where four children are playing as their mom calls them)
Mom: Okay, kids. Supper! (To her husband as he grills burgers) Mmm, those look wonderful, darling.
(Suddenly, a shadow looms over the backyard and a strange screech is heard, startling the dad, who flips a burger higher in the air. As the burger is airborne, a mantis claw reaches out and grabs it. We then see a giant, mutated mantis, which frightens the family. As the giant mantis eats the burger, Keesha's voice is heard. It turns out it's just a 1950s movie that Ms. Frizzle has taken her class to see.)
Keesha: A praying mantis!
Wanda: It's not the mantis who should be praying. (Cut to the actual theater, where Ms. Frizzle's class are apparently the only ones in attendance.) It's the mom and dad!
Family: Ahhh!!
(As the mantis attacks, Ralphie comments on the movie.)
Ralphie: (unimpressed) That bug is so bogus. No way I'd be scared.
(The family screams as the monstrous mantis takes their burgers and eats them, including the plate. Afterward, a military plane flies by and soldiers jump out and open their parachutes. Dorothy Ann reads from a movie book of hers.)
Dorothy Ann: According to my research, "Stand By Your Mantis" came out in 1953.
Tim: Yeah. And the critics probably said "Get the exterminator!"
Class: (laughing)
(Cut to Arnold who is sitting in a lawn chair on the hood of the Bus.)
Arnold: Ah! You know, Liz? This is my idea of a field trip (eats some popcorn)
(As Phoebe says the following, the mantis comes across military trucks with aerial bucket lifts holding soldiers who intend to blindfold the monster.)
Phoebe: (unimpressed) That is totally unrealistic. You don't catch an insect by blindfolding it. (Sure enough, the bug just flys away) And besides, there's no such thing as a fifty foot praying mantis. And even if there were, you could trap it instead of trying to destroy it.
(As Liz starts to reach for popcorn, she sees a spider crawling by and follows it as it crawls along the side of the Bus. Keesha and Wanda are shown watching the movie from the roof. The former peeks into the Bus to talk to Carlos, who isn't interested in the movie and moreso in a book he's reading.)
Keesha: What's the matter, Carlos? Not into insects?
Carlos: They're not my favorite thing in the world, okay? And what really hate are...(he sees the spider on his book) spiders! (Screams, throws his book and runs until Phoebe stops him)
Phoebe: Wait! Wait! Spiders aren't insects, you know. (Holds up eight fingers) Spiders have eight legs and insects only have six. (Holds up six fingers as she says this. Liz jumps down to eat the spider) Here, I'll show you. (Phoebe traps the spider in a plastic cup before Liz can consume it.) Got you. (Slides a paper under both) See? It's an orb spider.
Carlos: Yuck! Just because you love spiders doesn't mean everyone does.
Phoebe: (sighs as she lets the spider free)
Ralphie: Hey, Carlos, I thought you weren't scared of anything--(sees a silhouette of what looks like a giant spider approaching) Yikes! (with Carlos) What is that!?
Carlos: What is that!?
Ralphie: Is it just me, or is it--?
(The door opens, revealing Ms. Frizzle with a tray full of popcorn and soda cups with extra long straws.)
Class: Ms. Frizzle!
Ms. Frizzle: Popcorn anyone?
(She walks to the front of the Bus, and Liz eagerly takes some popcorn.)
Dorothy Ann: Shh! Look, the giant mantis is back!
(The giant screen shows the mantis approaching a house.)
Man: Honey, we just can't afford a skylight right now. (The mantis breaks through the house) Never mind.
Ralphie: Awesome.
(An army Jeep arrives. Out of it steps General Araneus.)
General Araneus: This is General Araneus. Let's get this son of a bug! (As he says the following, his troops bring in a tank.) Prepare Operation Bug Spray!
(The tank is shown with a giant bug spray device in place of a cannon. Some civilians are shown running for their lives as the giant bug continues its rampage.)
Araneus: Fire!
(Two of his troops press the plunger, squirting bug spray all over the menacing mantis.)
Class: Ew!/Yuck!/Disgusting!
(The soldiers cheer. But their cheering is cut short when the mantis shakes off the goo, proving to be immune to bug spray. Instead, the monster becomes more angry)
Arnold: Huh. Guess that didn't work.
Phoebe: That was mean! (The following lines reference Airplane!.) Surely there's a better way to catch a praying mantis than that!
Araneus: (as if he heard Phoebe) There is no better way! And don't call me Shirley.
Act 2[]
Wanda: WhatarewegonnadowhatarewegonnadowhatarewegonnaDOOOO?!??
General Araneus: and step on it!
Class: LIZ!!!!!