Act 1[]
Tim: I'm telling you, something's missing.
Dorothy Ann: But, Tim, when it comes to deserts, we've got everything under the sun.
Tim: Sorry, DA, but it just doesn't say "desert" yet.
Wanda: Are you kidding? It screams "desert". We've got sand, we've got gravel, we've got desert plants like cacti. creosote bushes, ocotillo
Carlos: We've got the desert's harsh conditions. Hot, blazing sun. Dry, blinding dust storms.
Phoebe: Tim's right, there's something missing.
Miss Frizzle: And bones and bones and dry bones. And bones and bones and dry bones. And bones and dry bones. As I always say, Arnold, "It never hurts to be prepared."
Arnold: That's funny Miss Frizzle, that's exactly what I was thinking.
Phoebe: I know, I know! Desert animals. That's what's missing. Miss Frizzle our diorama will never be complete without desert animals.
Miss Frizzle: Dynamic deduction, Phoebe.
Arnold: Huh?
Miss Frizzle: Ah! These should do for now.
Arnold: Now? It's later I'm worried about.
Phoebe: Thank you, Miss Frizzle. Here you go little guy.
Dorothy Ann: According to my research, that's a kangaroo rat and that's a gila monster.
Phoebe: Isn't it cute..?
Carlos: Only Phoebe would think a gila monster is cute.
Phoebe: And there's more.
Dorothy Ann: Tortoise, beetle, scorpion, jackrabbit, roadrunner.
Keesha: Whoa, Liz, what's up with you?
Phoebe: And you know what this is? A baby coyote.
Carlos: Phoebe, are you sure all these animals live in the desert? Think about it. The desert is really hot! The sun beats down all day long! Beat, beat, beat! And there's nowhere for the animals to go to escape the heat, heat, heat!
Phoebe: But-
Carlos: Not only is it hot, but there's hardly any food in the desert. So, any animal that shows it's face gets eaten by a bigger one! *growls*
Phoebe: Huh? Stop!
Carlos: And that not all!
Phoebe: It isn't?
Carlos: The worst part, there's almost no water in the desert.
Class: (gasp)
Phoebe: No water?
Carlos: Uh-huh. No shelter, no food, no water. In no time at all, all your cute little animals are... buzzard bait.
Phoebe: (gasps)
Carlos: Scarcity is the name of the game, Pheebs. Scar-ci-ty.
Miss Frizzle: He's right, Phoebe. There's not much food, water or shelter in the desert.
Phoebe: We've got to do something.
Keesha: Yeah!
Wanda: What can we do? What can we do?
Carlos: What can we do?
Phoebe: Well, at my old school, we'd take a stand. Form a committee.
Arnold: Go on a field trip?
Class: Arnold? Are you serious?
Phoebe: He's right, SADS to the rescue!
Class: SADS?
Phoebe: Students Against Desert Scarcity.
Arnold: To the desert. Miss Frizzle.
Miss Frizzle: Yes, Arnold.
Arnold: For once, I'm prepared. Regulation desert. As outlined in chapter 7 of my new field trip survival guide. Miss Frizzle, do your worst.
Miss Frizzle: I'll do my best Arnold.
Phoebe: Well? Are you guys coming or do I have to save these desert animals all by myself? To the bus!
Miss Frizzle: Follow that Phoebe!
Class: *Cheers*
Ralphie: Hey, Arnold. So what do you have in that knapsack, anyway?
Arnold: Oh, a little sunblock, snake bite kit, a few dozen mallowblasters.
Carlos: What? No football?
Phoebe: Carlos, we are not going to the desert to have fun.
Miss Frizzle: We're not? The desert is full of surprises, Phoebe.
Phoebe: And this bus is so slow. Can't we go any faster, Miss Frizzle? Every second we waste means those poor little animals are out there suffering.
Miss Frizzle: Well, that's one way of looking at it, Phoebe. Okay, bus, do your stuff! Wahoo!
Class: Woah! *cheers* Miss Frizzle: (singing) She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes, when she comes.
Phoebe: Are we there yet?
Keesha: Chill, Phoebe. We only just took off. We're flying over mountains. Didn't you say students against desert scarcity.
Phoebe: Yeah, and the mountains have plenty of shelter, food and water. Miss Frizzle we must be going the wrong way.
Miss Frizzle: Wrong way? Why Phoebe if it weren't for these mountains there wouldn't even be a desert.
Dorothy Ann: What do mountains have to do with the deserts.
Carlos: Haven't you guys ever heard of a rain shadow?
Class: No.
Carlos: Some deserts are made by what's called the rain shadow effect. When warm, moist air rises over the mountains, it's water vapour condenses into rain or snow. The mountains catch all the moisture so the air reaching the other side is as dry as a desert. Look out below!
Phoebe: It's not fair, why should the mountains get all the water?
Miss Frizzle: If you keep asking questions, Phoebe, you'll find an answer. Oh and there's perfect parking spot. Hold on tight!
Arnold: Huh?
Class: Woah!
Arnold: Field trip tip number 63: In an event of a rapid loss of altitude, you may want to put on a parachute. Liz, my parachute? That's not a parachute, that's a pair of shoes!
Wanda: Look at these place!
Keesha: Whew, the thermal probe reads 107 degrees fahrenheit. That's hot.
Tim: How can anything live here?
Ralphie: (gasps) Um, is it just me, or does this look like our final field trip?
Miss Frizzle: Come along, class. We're here to experience the desert. Take chances, make mistakes, get dusty.
Arnold: Field trip tip number 87, not a problem.
Phoebe: Come on, you guys. Students against desert scarcity, remember? We've got work to do.
Ralphie: Desert scarcity? What about dessert scarcity, I'm hungry. Hey, Arnold, where are those mallowblasters?
Arnold: I'm afraid they've melted.
Phoebe: How can you even think about eating when those poor little animals are suffering from hunger?!
Carlos: The only poor little animals I see are us!
Phoebe: There's one!
Miss Frizzle: Why that's a collared lizard.
Keesha: And that's a funny looking bird.
Miss Frizzle: That, Keesha, is a fine example of a hungry Roadrunner chasing an Mm-mm-mm delicious lizard to eat.
Phoebe: Come on, we have to protect that lizard!
Phoebe & Carlos: Huh?
Phoebe: At my old school, lizards never ran on their hind legs. Quick, everyone, back in the bus.
Carlos: Phoebe, what are we doing?
Phoebe: How would you like to be a lizard being chased by a hungry roadrunner?
Miss Frizzle: Oh a situation worth exploration, Phoebe.
Carlos: Wow, cool! We're a Gila monster!
Miss Frizzle: As I always saying when the going gets hungry, the hungry get going.
Keesha: Bad. Oh, bad. Oh, bad, bad, bad!
Tim: And getting worse--it's gaining on us!
Ralphie: I hate field trips when we get eaten!
Class: (all scream)
Act 2[]
Class: (scream)
Carlos: Any minute now, we're gonna know what it's like to be eaten!
Arnold: Field trip tip number 107: "To avoid being eaten, become inedible." What does that mean?
Miss Frizzle: Class, do I hear a suggestion to avoid digestion, hmm?
Dorothy Ann: According to my research, Arnold, it means we ought to become something that's not very appetizing.
Miss Frizzle: On the button, D.A. One inedible, horned lizard coming up.
Wanda: Phew! Close one! Well, first time experience tells us roadrunners don't like lizards with spikes.
Ralphie: Would you?
Phoebe: So, the little animals here have special ways to avoid getting eaten like running fast or being prickly.
Miss Frizzle: Oh, Phoebe, that's right.
Carlos: Which means they don't need your help, Pheebs.
Phoebe: Are you sure about that? Life is tough in the desert.
Carlos: Don't we know it. It's too hot to chase after animals.
Ralphie: Or to be chased. Phew! I'm burning up.
Phoebe: Exactly, and somewhere out there's a poor little animal which is burning up too. Now come on, we've gotta find it and help it. Stop the bus! Please..
Miss Frizzle: Everybody out!
Class (minus Phoebe): Not again!
Miss Frizzle: Single file, class.
D.A: I'm hot.
Tim: I'm tired.
Ralphie: I'm hungry.
Arnold: I'm prepared.
Tim: Phoebe, we've been looking and looking and we haven't found anymore animals.
Carlos: None, Phoebe. And i'm burning up!
Ralphie: Me too.
Phoebe: You're hot?! Um- uh- what about that poor little jackrabbit. See, it's sitting there with the sun beating down on it's head and it's wearing a fur coat.
Arnold: Field trip tip number 158: "When the sun is beating down on your head, put on a hat." Got that covered.
Phoebe: Thanks, Arnold.
Arnold: Hey!
Phoebe: Here, little jackrabbit. This will keep you from getting too hot. A nice hat to shed your--
Arnold: Phoebe!
Phoebe: Arnold! Now, how will that jackrabbit keep cool?
Arnold: Well,--
Miss Frizzle: Ear~ conditioning, Phoebe.
Carlos: Ear-conditioning? Good one, Miss Frizzle!
Miss Frizzle: Why, thank you, Carlos.
Phoebe: Carlos! How can you joke at a time like this?!
Dorothy Ann: According to my research, it's not a joke, Phoebe.
Dorothy Ann: You know how a car radiator cools off hot water the engine? Some desert animals have big ears which do the same thing. When their warm blood moves through their big ears, it gets cooled off the same way. Stay cool!
Carlos: Come on, Pheebs, just admit it. The lizards don't need your help, and neither do the jackrabbits.
Phoebe: Okay, so the jackrabbit has a way of keeping itself cool, but what about that?
Miss Frizzle: Oh that is a desert tortoise. Hm, you don't usually see them out in the heat like this.
Phoebe: See, another animal in need! Come on! We've gotta help it!
Carlos: We- We do?
Phoebe: Carlos! Don't be so selfish! How would you like to be a tortoise roasting in the hot desert sun?!
Arnold: I wish you hadn't said that.
Miss Frizzle: Ooh, as I always say, there's more than one way to be the heat.
Class: Oh, no!
Miss Frizzle: Oh, so this is what it's like to be a desert tortoise.
Tim: Where are we?
Miss Frizzle: In a tortoise burrow. An underground shelter.
Keesha: It's a lot cooler down here.
Phoebe: But, Carlos, I just thought of something! Maybe the reason we didn't see any animals is because they all burned up before we got here! I knew it. We're too late.
Carlos: Whoa! What's happening?!
Miss Frizzle: Oh, class. The bus is now an automatic turtle.
Dorothy Ann: We're being pushed by another desert tortoise!
Ralphie: Are we still in the desert?
Keesha: Wow, what happened?
Dorothy Ann: The sun went down and the desert has totally changed.
Phoebe: Oh, Carlos, look! How sweet. 11, 12, 13, 14-
Carlos: Hey! We weren't too late. The reason we didn't see any animals is because they were just waiting for the sun to go down.
Keesha: 50 degrees fahrenheit. You don't have any sweaters in that knapsack, do you, Arnold.
Dorothy Ann: Once the sun goes down, the air cools off.
Arnold: Field trip tip number 257: To beat the heat, do like most desert animals, come out only at night.
Carlos: There you have it, Phoebe. Another way desert animals help themselves.
Keesha: It's ok, Phoebe. There's nothing wrong with being wrong.
Miss Frizzle: As I always say, make mistakes, make mistakes, make mistakes! It's the best way to learn something.
Carlos: But, let's face it. Students Against Desert Scarcity is a bust.
Phoebe: Okay, Carlos, okay. You don't have to rub it in. I might've made a mistake about that lizard, and I might've made a mistake about that jackrabbit, and I even might've made a mistake about that tortoise. But, there is one thing I know I'm not wrong about.
Arnold: How much you wish you'd stayed home today?
Phoebe: No. How much everything in the desert needs water.
Ralphie: You're telling me!
Pheobe: Thanks, Ralphie.
Ralphie: Phoebe!
Phoebe: Well, if no one's gonna help me give water to all these poor little animals, I'll just do it myself.
Keesha: Phoebe, where are you going?
Phoebe: I said I was gonna give these poor animals water, and I'm going to--
Carlos: Phoebe, I know this may sound crazy, but hear me out.
Phoebe: Okay, Carlos, I'm listening.
Carlos: These animals didn't need your protection from being eaten or from burning up in the sun, right?
Phoebe: Right.
Carlos: They can cope...right?
Phoebe: Right.
Carlos: Well, maybe they don't need your water either.
Phoebe: Carlos! How can you say that? You know there's no water in the desert, you said so yourself, rainshadow, remember?
Carlos: But look at them, they couldn't live without water and they're definitely alive. They must get it somehow.
Phoebe: Okay then, if you're so smart tell me, how? Come on, Carlos, take chances, get messy, make mistakes.
Carlos: I- I don't know.
Phoebe: Exactly maybe people like me come out here and give these animals water. Maybe people like me keep these animals alive.
Carlos: Hey at least save the water for the animals.
Phoebe: What are you talking about.
Carlos: Didn't you just splash me?
Phoebe: Is that rain?
Miss Frizzle: (laughs) Everyone back on the bus.
Tim: Rain?
Wanda: In the desert?
Miss Frizzle: It doesn't rain here very often, class but as I always say, not very often is a looong way from never.
Phoebe: And the desert is a long way from meeting my water.
Keesha: And we're a long way from the bus, come on, Phoebe.
Carlos: Doesn't it feel great? Now we're talking water.
Phoebe: It's amazing, we went from absolutely no water to--
Class: Flood!
Miss Frizzle: Good morning, class. Everything's right as rain.
Tim: Huh?
Keesha: Where are we?
Dorothy Ann: What happened to the desert?
Phoebe: Is this a dream?
Miss Frizzle: No, Phoebe. It's the desert after a rainstorm.
Wanda: Everything's changed, there's so much activity.
Dorothy Ann: What happened to all the scarcity? Look at all the plants and animals.
Miss Frizzle: Ah, desert life, never ceases to amaze me.
Ralphie: Do you see what I see?
Carlos: Flower power!
Wanda: It's as if they were waiting for enough water to bloom.
Arnold: There are shrimp in this puddle.
Phoebe: Shrimp in the desert.
Dorothy Ann: Uh-huh and pigs too. Look!
Miss Frizzle: Actually, that's a peccary a desert relative of pigs.
Keesha: And that cactus is full of water.
Dorothy Ann: According to my observations, this piece of cactus is juicy on the inside and waxy on the outside.
Tim: Hey, maybe that waxy stuff keeps the water in.
Miss Frizzle: As I always say, when it pours the desert stores.
Carlos: You know, Phoebe, you were right. The desert does need water and the animals do need protection from being eaten and from the heat.
Phoebe: Yeah, but Carlos, you were right too. They don't need us to help them, they're already equipped to live here.
Miss Frizzle: That's right, Phoebe. Everything that lives here has adaptations to help cope with life in the desert. Well, come along, class. Back to the bus.
Dorothy Ann: You mean, soaking up water as quickly as possible is an adaptation?
Miss Frizzle: Absolutely correct.
Carlos: And having spikes is an adaptation--
Ralphie: That helps keeps you off the menu.
Tim: And burrowing under the sand.
Wanda: And having big ears is an adaptation for beating the heat.
Miss Frizzle: Yes, all things that live hear have adaptations for survival. Oh it makes so much sense, doesn't it?
Arnold: Field trip tip number 999: " For those without desert adaptations always travel with a teacher with frizzy red hair.
Miss Frizzle: Hm.
Act 3[]
Arnold: Well, I have to say except for the part where we almost got eaten and the part where we almost burned up in the sun and the part where we almost drowned in a flood, my field trip manual was really helpful.
Miss Frizzle: (laughs) So glad you enjoyed it, Arnold.
Phoebe: Well, now that I know that all these plants and animals have adaptations to help them cope with living in the desert, that gives me some time to save something else.
Keesha: Uh, Phoebe I don't think this is a-
Phoebe: I tell you, we've got to do something!
Wanda: Phoebe, we just did something!
Ralphie: A whole bunch of some things.
Phoebe: But this time it really is an animal in need. We'll call ourselves SASH.
Class: SASH?
Phoebe: Students Assisting Sleepy Heads.
Class: Carlos!
Carlos: (snoring)
Phoebe: He obviously has no adaptations to cope with desert field trips.
Dorothy Ann: According to my research, Phoebe, hibernation is an adaptation.
Class: (Laughs)
Miss Frizzle: As I always say, if you can't take the heat, (sigh) get out of the desert.
Producer Says[]
Phoebe: Are you sure the producer wanted this fake cactus, Liz?
(Liz nods)
Phoebe: I better go.
(Liz picks up the phone)
Phoebe: Me? At my old school, kids never answer the phone. (takes the call) Hello?
Caller: Is this the The Magic School Bus?
Phoebe: Yes, but-
Caller: Good because you see, I'm starting up a new group "Save Our Kangaroo Rats" and I want Phoebe to be present.
Phoebe: You do? I mean that's nice of you to say but kangaroo rats don't need to be saved.
Caller: You mean they have adaptations that make it possible for them to live in the desert too?
Phoebe: Right. For instance, they may never take a drink in their entire lives. They can get all the water they need from the seeds and plants they eat.
Caller: Well, do they have an adaptation to help them cope with the short nights?
Phoebe: Short nights?
Caller: Yeah, watching that show you'd think nighttime lasted about five seconds.
Phoebe: Oh, well we were a little short on time.
Caller: Uh-huh.
Phoebe: But just a little. We wanted to show how desert animals come out at night. It's an adaptation, you know.
Caller: Okay, speaking of adaptations, I don't know of any plant that grows from a seed the instant it rains.
Phoebe: Look, when you have a lot information to cover in a half an hour, you don't have time for seeds to grow into plants. But they do grow very quickly in the desert. Did you want to see the desert in full bloom after the rain or not?
Caller: Of course I did. And did you know that cactus needles are really leaves.
Phoebe: Is that an adaptation?
Caller: Unlike leaves, needles don't lose any water. And do you know what else, not all deserts are hot.
Phoebe: Huh?
Caller: Even places that are very cold are called deserts if they don't get enough rain.
Phoebe: Fascinating, well thanks for calling.
Caller: Wait! One more question, do you actually know Phoebe?
Phoebe: Yes! In fact-
Caller: Could you do me a favour? Just tell her I think she's the greatest. Good-bye.
Phoebe: Maybe I should answer the phone more often.